10 Hurtful things people do when getting to know someone

10 Hurtful things people do when getting to know someone

I don’t know why, but some people seem to enjoy hurting others.  I have noticed that in making friends these are the most common things people do. You might also be interested in this post: 10 things to do when meeting new people

  1. Quickly Judge. Listen I know there are lots of people and that you want to find a reason to reject someone before they reject you.  I understand that you have standards and you want to find the best people.  However is it really fair to anyone that you come to a conclusion with one line of text or 15 seconds of conversation?
  2. Don’t listen. Listening means asking questions and double-checking that you understand what the other person is communicating with you.  It also means that you put aside your ego for a moment and try to understand the other person and what their experience is like.  It’s a collaborative process where both people have to work at it.
  3. Insults. This can be subtle or obvious.  If you don’t like someone just say no thanks.  There is no reason to be mean and try to hurt the other persons feelings.  What does being a jerk get you?  Try to be classy in letting people out of your life.
  4. Passive-agressive. Ok I get it.  Your super wonderful and you don’t feel that you should follow the same rules the other person follows in a conversation.  You don’t respond when people try to talk to you.  Its ok if you aren’t interested just say not interested.  Or when you do talk, ask questions.
  5. Use friends ideas/comments as weapons. I went on a date once where a woman took a compliment and twisted it and put it on twitter.  Her friends said that I was a jerk, and she proceeded to tell me that.  Ok, if I am a jerk then just say that you had an emergency come up and call it a day?  Why indirectly insult?
  6. Ignore your good qualities. I once talked to someone who after looking at my profile said “There is nothing in your profile that makes me want to talk to you.”  Really?  You can read someones profile and not see one example of a good quality or interesting feature?  Everyone has good qualities and an interesting life if you only care to scratch the surface.
  7. Make you a stereotype. Yes I’m White, Male but that doesn’t mean I’m racist or sexist.  When you assume because someone is part of something with no evidence, you do a disservice to everyone.  People are individuals first, and the greatest individuals are often the most counter-stereotypical you can find.
  8. Expect ulterior motives. Yes, many people have ulterior motives, but not everyone.  Some people choose to say or do what they do because it is honestly who they are.  I recently met a woman who admitted that she had assumed I had ulterior motives for my kindness.  I don’t use kindness as a weapon.  For me, kindness is about being gentle and respectful with people who are hurt.  For me, it is not a way to get what I want.
  9. Ignore someone than come back. This one confuses me.  If you ignore me, and then 2 weeks later come back and want to met me I am going to say no.  I haven’t changed the kind of person I was in 2 weeks.  Why do you think I have?  I understand people have busy lives, so you schedule something for later.  That’s courtesy.  Or is it that you couldn’t find anyone better, so you are coming back for someone you rejected before?  Gee thanks.  Now why wouldn’t I want some of that?
  10. Use the other person for benefits. Listen the first meeting is going to be for coffee.  Why should someone spend money on you until they know you are worth it?  Beauty is common, intelligence is a dime a dozen.  What makes someone special is their spirit, and being a good person.  Good people deserve my help, others will get my kindness and respect.

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